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The Journey At Home


Upon arriving at home from the hospital, every experience will be unique in its own way.  It is said that it takes ten times the amount of energy to get through a day when you are grieving.  It is going to be hard enough for to get up in the mornings let alone march to the beat of this new drum.  You have a new normal.
The first human response to a tragedy such as this one is to want to crawl into a black hole and die.  This is a normal response but can be destructive if you allow yourself to live in this state continually.  If you do not express your emotions in a healthy way, they will most definitely be expressed in an unhealthy way.  This is a natural human response. Emotions turned inward will eventually cause physical distress and sickness.  And when we unleash inappropriate emotions, they will cause harm in our relationships with those around us. 
Friends, family, and the helpful support of others come into play here.  You are probably feeling like running from all possible human connection to isolation. Isolation will stop a source of healthy emotional expression. Although there is no extra energy to spare for those well meaning friends and family that try to put you on a time schedule or give you definitive directions on how to grieve, you are going to need family and friends that will come alongside of you and allow you to grieve in a healthy way. There is no other person on this earth that can help you or understand you more than your spouse.  After all, they have just walked with you through this tragedy.  You will need one another to vent your feelings.  Take turns listening to one another and sharing your deepest thoughts.  It should be safe to vent your feelings to one another and cry without holding back. 
There will be times where you feel free and brave enough to venture out and share your feelings with a friend.  You will have the hesitation of not wanting to bother someone else with your burden.  Do not hold back.  Allow others to walk on the journey with you.  Both of you will benefit from the experience.  Every risk you take to share with someone else is one step closer to the end of the grief process.  Those that can not handle it will steer clear.  Those that truly want to walk with you on the road of grief will not be put off by your talking about your baby.  They want to know about him/her.  After being brave enough to share with a few, you will feel freer to express your emotions. 
There will still be days that you will feel like pulling the covers over your head and never getting up again.  These will be days that you just will not want any more company and no more phone calls because you are worn out from verbally expressing your emotions.  On those days, use an inexpensive written expression of your inward emotions, a journal.  It will be good for you as well to go back in your journal and read what you wrote.  In no way will a journal judge you for any emotion you feel, even those irrational thoughts that you do not want anybody to know.  The important thing in all of this is that you will be expressing your emotions in a healthy way.  If you are really brave, you may even want to consider doing a blog, also called a live journal, so that others that are trying to walk hand in hand with you can know exactly what you are feeling.